Of Gods, Gems, and Men
by nyanyanya22
Summary: In a world where Steven doesn't exist, and the gems are unknown, covered up by the local government, one man seeks to end the masquerade and find the truth. SLIGHT AU.
1. Mr Azinder

**_BJG_**

 ** _(BTW, I JUST REWROTE THIS, ITS 1000 WORDS SHORTER, AND LESS CRINGEY...I HOPE...REVIEW, TELL ME IF IT BETTER)_**

 **This story takes place in a light AU: Where Steven is never born, or simply hasn't been born yet...perhaps events were shifted forward. It's modern day, but Steven hasn't and wouldn't be born. The gem formerly known as Pink Diamond is still with us.  
And yes, this is a SU fanfic. Wait until the end of the next chapter**

 **T rating, if it dosen't get M, well, the mlsdkscah qdotdh vchh, jaxzd... c baud cndaq elp a hasdp nasd iljpandq**

 **Our main character is an OC. Deal with it. If there's random italics, it's his thoughts.**

 **Bold text like this is me the author speaking to you. Italics at the start of a chapter are some sort of relevant quote, from persons real or fictional, living or dead.  
I might also add OST italics at some point in the future to enhance reading, but don't count on it.**

 **Now then, let the madness begin comrades. This is gonna be interesting.**

 ** _PROLOGUE: MR AZINDER_**

* * *

 _"Every journey begins with a single step. This, is step one."_ \- _Viktor Reznov_

* * *

"Mr Azinder, is there something so interesting about your desk that you consider it more important then your lesson? If there is, please share it with the class, I'm sure they would like to know."

" Just observing the scratch marks on the surface, much more interesting then your world geography lesson." ' _I know more geography then you, you idioot.'_

"Are you disrespecting me Gilbert?"

"No...I'm just...uh..look i know all this all ready." _Why did i say that? Damn_

"What is the capital of Argentina?"

 _Argentina, blue flag with sun, Falkland islands, Rio de la Plata, Andes, uhhhh...which one was it..._

"Uhh..."

"That's what i thought. Buenos Aires. Now then, class, as you all know Europe is a peninsula, but did you know it in fact is comprised of many sma-"

 _How did i forget? Ugh...I should refresh on that_

As the teacher turned, a grin entered his face. He raised his hand, waving it until the teacher noticed. With a sigh, she responded.

"Yes Gilbert?" Gilbert calmly responded.

"Mrs. Kann, why does the Keystone School Curriculum insist on a system that hurts not only the best and brightest, but also the slow, and the odd, leaving only the mediocre, normal, and obedient to-"

"ENOUGH OF THAT CRAP GILBERT." Mrs. Kann shouted, before quickly regaining her composure. "Gilbert, the school system is the backbone of the modern day society."  
speaking quickly, sounding like she was reading a scripted phrase.

 _Yeah, a society of sheep, it certainly is. Eh, I should get back to work, don't want that bitch tampering with my grades again._ Gilbert thought to himself, as he resumed his quiz.

* * *

"Done" I said, having finished my quiz on world flags. Vexillology is such an interesting field, so many unique flags,only a few gave me trouble, but as it was multiple choice, even those did not stop me. _'Man I am good at this, I love flags.'_

I walked up to the teachers desk, she was playing Candy Crush Saga on her phone. _Of course she's playing Candy Crush, never thought I'd see that._

I handed it in. Glad to have it done, I could go back to drawing stuff. All the Maps and vague sketches and charts I could ever want.

 _Maybe speak to Bayer when he's done. Yeah, that'll work._

I walked back and sat down on my desk. The teacher didn't move her face from her phone. I pulled out a piece of paper from my desk, and started drawing a chart.

"Map of Languages" it said. Drawing on it a simplified version of the relation between languages. I was just adding Afrikaans when I heard Bayer.

"Hey Gilbert!" he said, as I turned around. The teacher was saying stuff about a field trip, something something delmarva lighthouse study, something about seashells and discounts and stuff. I never payed much attention to the details, I just went with the flow of things. Just another field trip. Nothing special.

"Hey Gilbert, who do you think would have won WW1 if Italy joined the Central Powers.

 _WW1 huh? This should be interesting._

About a half hour later, class ended, the three people who didn't finish complaining til the cows came home.

"Its not enough time!" they said. _Of course it isn't,_ I thought to myself.

I had a decent conversation about WW1. Bayer thought they would still lose, I thought the French would collapse in a communist revolt and Germany would win.

Twas a nice conversation. Humanity has such a habit of pointless wars and killing that amounts to nothing in the end. War is a uniquely Human thing.

Nice to have someone to talk to, good friends are hard to come by.

Anyway, I can finally leave.

 _Time to go home. I have places to go, things to do, whatever...jeez i bet the ride home won't come fast enough, will it. I hate waiting for them...maybe if i hurry, if they happen to show up a minute or two early, I can get home faster. Ugh_

So i waited, and waited, and talked, and waited. Why can't we have one of those nice, order based systems where people don't run late?

I'm sure It would work. _How bad could It be?_

"Did you see the Gravity Falls finale."

"Shut up." the angsty 12th grader said.

 _Not so fast_ "Did you see the Invader Zim trailer."

"SHUT UP GILBERT!" I got the message this time...no need to get myself in trouble. Not worth it.

So I just went into my thoughts, thinking about, stuff... After about 20 minutes, my ride finally showed up. Darn Taxi.

 _Smells like cheetos and ammonia in here. Long way down, the holiday ro-oad, ohhhhhhh-_ I just zoned out again, thinking about characters, concepts, stories I read, etc.  
Until we arrived back, of course.

 _Finally home, just before 4. Wooonderful_

Glad to be home, I have things to do.

* * *

 _Damn Scots._

I was several hours deep in a strategy game game. Scotland, Poland, and the Big Blue Blob that was France, they were all grinding my gold reserves to dust in a war. Munster and Portugal didn't even help me. This war of attrition wasn't gonna end any time soon. My colonies were up shit creek, without a paddle. Or an army, the french destroyed them.

I leaned over to check the time. _Shit, 6 o clock already? There goes my cartoon time...oh well._

"Ugh, of course...now what?"

The answer was dinner. Mmmm. Greens, Spuds, Chicken, just what the doctor ordered. Dad was grumpy, Mom died when I was young. Dad's not a bad man, but he clearly wasn't ready to run things for himself.

The rest of the night turned out to be pretty unremarkable. Got final jeopardy right by sheer luck, Betsy Ross was the only revolutionary era woman I knew. Did some reading of fanfiction, listened to music, pondered a bit, not much to note. Life goes on. As usual. As for tomorrow, what was there realllllly to think about it? Honestly? _Field trip eh? Bus right is gonna be miserable, hope I can sit next to Bayer, or Mason. Delmarva, one state over, been there a few times, no clue where the heck the place we're going is, ...something city...dosen't even matter, just another field trip._

 _After all, how interesting could some sleepy tourist trap of town possibly be?_

* * *

 _RING RING RING_

 _RING RING RING_

 _CLICK_

"It's me. Did you give them that report I sent you?"

 _Sigh_ "Yeah...I did."

"We can't keep this up...they're gonna find out eventually."

"No...don't, don't think like it, It'll be fine...It HAS to be fine. As far as anyone upstairs knows they're some sort of cult."

"Besides, If they find out about... _them_..you're just as screwed as I am."

 _Exhale_ "I know Dewey. I know"

* * *

 **I'm glad to be back in the game. Read my other stories if you want to, The Change is half decent, had some plans for it, never finished most of them. Check it out if you want, the last couple of chapters are on par with this(for now, once i get past the first few chapters of this it's gonna get wayy better. 3-5k per chapter i promise.**

 **Had this idea kicking around since September 2017 or so. If you guys feel interested i'll tell you more about it. And before you ask, the Pink Diamond twist didn't ruin it. It actually made it so much easier to work with.**

 **Please review, if you want to see more follow and favorite, otherwise i won't know if people are reading ! ;P so be sure to do that. Leave detailed reviews if you can, i like that, reviews give me motivation.**

 **Anyway, nyanyanya22, signing off. See you all soon. The fun is just beginning. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA.**


	2. Off to the Seaside

**Hello once again! I hope I can get this one out rather quickly, so my story can build some fans. PLEASE be sure to REVIEW, FAVOURITE AND FOLLOW.**

 **People who read chapter one probably had little to no clue where this was going...this chapter will help a little, but don't expect to fully understand things for a while, unless, of course, ymu tes tmmb gs lpglfckt saeqe ;)**

 **NOW THEN, LET THE MADNESS COMMENCE!**

 **Chapter 2- Off to the Seaside**

* * *

 _ _The cliffs...the sea air...I really am free! I could cry._ \- Aiden O'Mailey_

* * *

 **Gilberts P.O.V.**

 _Drive it Drive!_

 _Fire the weapon, fire it!_

 _There getting away!_

 _NO, THE BRIDGE._

 _Darn it, the boss won't like this, I'll have to BEEP, BEEP, BEEP BEEP._

 _Huh, what's going-  
_

 _ **BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP.  
**_

 _ **SMASH, SMASH, SMASH.**_

 _ **BEEP, BEEP BEEP, BEEP.**_

 _ **SMASH, CRASH, BASH.**_

 _ **CLICK.**_

Blink.

Blink Blink.

Goddamn it.

 _Why must I always wake up at the good part_

* * *

Waking up in the mornings is not fun. Waking up from an awesome dream, is just depressing. **Just, plain, depressing.**

Guess I have to get out of bed...uggggggggggghhhhhhh.

That damn Mister Sandman better accept bribes...I still have some baby teeth in a jar, maybe he can trade those with the tooth fairy. Hah. As if. Tooth Fairy isn't real. I  
never bought that shit. Nothing but a bunch of lies.  
Pops always said that truth and openness was the key to success.

Heave, ho, heave, ho. UP.

Well, I'm up. I'm awake. I'm sore as shit, I'm tired, and I'm...naked?

Shit, should probably address my undress state. And maybe get some breakfast.

* * *

Ahh, Poptart's. The modern day cuisine. So simple, yet...so tasty. I can feel the diabetes setting in already. More S'mores please! Now then, to sip my coffee, eat my smoretart's, and read my I-pad st...ohhhh...right...field trip. Shit...going to Delmarva are we? Americas earring? Aye Yi Yi, what a snafu. I preferred the situation to be normal, thank you.

I got on my bike, thoughts of the field trip lingering in my mind.

I never really liked the whole "field trip thing" I mean...what's wrong with good ole fashioned worksheets...actually, don't answer that, too much to list.

Ah well, it's a change of pace atleast. Maybe it will be good...but probably not.

"WHA!" I shouted, as I swerved away from a chestnut tree, jeez. "God, damn!" I said as i swerved away from some bramble, then onto the sidewalk. I breathed, a calm sigh of relie-OH SHIT I JUST PASSED THE SCHOOL.

"Motherfu-

* * *

 _Well, I made it. Took me through the second level of hell, but I made it. Glad my bike lock still works, wouldn't want my sweet, uh, mediocre ride stolen. Mediocre?_ Gilbert walked towards the school, looking upwards at a door, was dreading the way things seemed to be developing. _Well here we go, the field trip to hell..Sweet Sweet UV rays, mm mm mmmm._

Gilbert smiled, then walked into the building.

"Hey Gilbert!" It was Mason, at the locker. He was trying to unlock his locker. "Looking forward to the field trip?"

 _No._ "Ehh..." he said, moving his hand back and forth. "Not exaaaactly." _Locker not working?_ "Having trouble with your locker?" Gilbert asked. Mason nodded, "Yeah, can never remember the damn numbers on this thing..." Gilbert smirked. _'_ "Hehe, yeah, I have the same problem, that's why i got the letter code lock." he gestured towards his locker. Indeed, there was a letter lock, right there on his locker. Mason responded, "Cool. Anything going on with you." _'Yes.'_ "Nah, not much." He said, looking into his locker before pulling out a binder. "We should get to class." He said as Mason followed. "Yeah, we should."

There was about half an hour to go until they left for the field trip. The mornings were always quite boring. _Oh well. May as well pass the time in a well thought out way,_ thought Gilbert, as he flopped his head down on the desk for 10 seconds, then pulled it backup. _Hmmmmmmm...guess I'll do the same as usual. Ugh, my neck hurts._

Let's see what the world's up to today, in the wonderfully futuristic world of today. Let the surfing commence! Hm, first things first, war. I typed in war and-

"Class, lineup outside, it's time to leave!"

Welp, time to go. TO HELL. Or the bus, both are acceptable terms.

* * *

The bus sucks.

I never take the bus. The Taxi is better, dads car is better, taking a bike is better, any alternative is better, then a smelly sweaty musty old bus. Yuck.

So, here I am, sitting on a bus. Just...sitting...what should I think about. Hmm, what am I thinking? Hmmmmmm...

Rubber-duck-attack-omg-the-rubberd-uck-army-will-destroy-the-world-if-the-dolhpin-gorrila-war-doesbadlytherussianshavesurrenederedthebritisharefancyliving-herewecometheresazombieonyourlawnwedontlikeoneeyedonehornedgiantpuurplepoopleevilarmyofthedarkforcespongebobisyellowsimpsonshomersimpsonsiskillingm goffwithnedneckyourstandinonmyworldfromdevastiontouniteallpeopleswithinoshothebigbluerubberduckymanohnotheduckarmyigottowarnthemabouthitlernikoletsgobowl

 **Nope** , **Nope** , too much thinking. Too much raw mental energy. Where's a friend when you need them?

"Why are you sitting next to me?"

Oh. Right...actually to my left, but still.

* * *

 _ _Neutral P.O.V.__

"Oh, Hey Yvon. Kinda got lost in thought." Gilbert said sheepishly. Yvon deadpanned. "Must not have been very crowded." _  
_ _'HA.'_ "The Inner mechanisms of my mind are enigma." Gilbert stated, his face faux slack. _I AM MORE MENTALLY CAPABLE THEN YOU CAN HANDLE, MERE MORTAL. Cause ...wait what was I saying, I forgot... wait, conversation, right._ "Hehe, how are you doing?" Gilbert asked, hoping to get some entertainment.

"Why did you decide to sit next to me, again?" Yvon asked with yet another deadpan. "Well duh, I couldn't sit on TOP of you. That would be weeeeird." ;P

Yvon replied. "Hehehe, fair enough." Gilbert followed. "You played COD WWII? Great stealth mission?" but Yvon shot it down faster then a german gunner, "Nah I only really play Battlefield."

"Ah, Okay." Gilbert answered, as he pulled out an Ipod-2(the only muzic device the teachers would allow, no internet) slouched down, and zoned out.

 _"I found out, looong ago. Ooooh. It's a long way down, the holiday road. Oooohooohoho. Holiday rooohahaooooohohohohod. Holiday rooahahooohooohooroad."_

* * *

 _Seaside, we're off to the seeeea-side. My, oh my what a lovely day!_ Gilbert thought as he watched the beaches go by, row on row. _'Glad to be here, cause with global warming, chances for future visits are declining at an alllaaaarrm-ing speeed'_

 _'May as well kill these last couple minutes by watching the window._

 _'Blue Car. Red Car. One Car, two car. Wait...I think the book was the other way around...or was it...no it was...'_ he thought, as he looked around. A sign read "Ocean Town: Next Left" or atleast Gilbert thought it did. The sign was half painted over, saying "ROAD CLOSED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE" _'Oh right...think that place got wrecked in that fire a few years back...damn idiots should never have been allowed near fireworks, this is why we can't have nice things in the world. Shame, place looked nice...'_

 _Blue Car, house, house, house, shack, drunk hobo screaming, house, carwash, house, boatyard, sign, wait, "VOTE MAYOR DEWEY" huh, seems like the local game of strawman torching is in season, wonder if they're burning elephants or donkeys this time, I better get the lighter fluid._

"Class, we are just 5 minutes away, so get your bags ready, and put all your gameboys away."

 _Ha, Gameboys. Also, suuuurre we're 5 minutes away, that's what you said last time. I don't even think we're on the road anymore you dullard. Either that or one of those cheap ass gravel roads, like in the old town. All I see is quartz sand for clicks around, oh, and the ocean, duh. And that lighthouse over yonder behi-be,be...tha, tha..._

 _'What. The. Fuck...'_

* * *

 **Dun. Dun. DUUUUUUUUUUN. Hey, as of next chapter, I should be legally qualified as a Steven Universe fanfiction writer, and this story will finally be a ture fanfiction and not just a angst fest(What's the difference anyway? With the fanfics I'm reading, there is none! Bahahahahahaha...ha...heee...don't kill me) which will qualify the story for all those fanfic based tax cuts. HURRAY FOR TAX EVASION. "Hears a siren" Whuh-Oh. I'm crazy enough to take on Technicolour SJWs and Serbian Kebabs, but the IRS, Noooo thank you! Well then, I should probably hurry up. Hehehe.**

 **So yeah, the start of the beginning of the prequel of the pre trailer scene is just starting now. See if you can guess the main plot(the MAIN, main plot) first. Look for clues where you can, but besides the description, we don't have any clues yet. MWAHAHAHHAHAHAAA.**

 **Ghilqh sodblqj jrg. Zkr hadfwob sodbhg jrg. Dqg krz?**

 **Okay that one was a clue. Nice and vague, so I'll make this one easy for you, Dark Kni-I mean audience. Hehe...he.**

 **See you all next time,** **tha tha tha that's all folks. This has gone on long enough. I need a fizzy water.**


	3. Highway to Hell

**HELLO** **ONCE MORE COMRADES. WELCOME TO CHAPTER 3 OF OF GODS, GEMS, AND MEN. AKA THE PART WHERE THIS BECOMES A REAL SU FANFIC. I know, amazing right. Things are finally looking SUish. Isn't that grand? Now then, I don't have too much else to say at the start here, although I should note no one sent in any PMs responding to chapter 2s question of the chapter...very sad...also very few reviews on chapter 2, hope this gets more. Also, the end authors note is really long this time, I plan to make them alot smaller in the future, about this size. Anyway, LET'S START THIS THING!**

 **Note to self, use a docudrama quote about the mind and flesh horror and radiation in next chapter. Can't forget that. Also, don't forget to write this chapter me. ;)**

 **Chapter 3: Highway to Hell**

* * *

 _If truth is stranger than fiction, where are the flying monkeys? - Daria Morgendorffer_

* * *

 _Gilbert's P.O.V._

 _'What the Fuck?'_

What the fuck indeed.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... What am I looking at?

My eye are telling me something, but I'm not sure if I should trust them.

Because my eyes seem to be telling me there's a very large statue, ~60 Foot or so (or about 18-22 Metres, damn imperial system minded parents) with a large head, atleast 4, no, 6 arms, maybe 8...wait...looks like there's...yes, now as we are moving past, I can see the spot where an arm used to be. Lots of hair...i swear it has multiple faces. It looks eastern, Buddhist...maybe Hindu...eh, probably Hindu, not very familiar with Hindu culture other then the cow stuff, or that balance stuff I half remember, but I know a thing or two about Buddhism. Mother was deeply into it, I know what it's stuff looks like. Too many arms. I dunno, either that or zoro whatever, b-

No, no. Not the what, the why. WHY. Why is there a giant flippin eastern looking statue in the middle of an eastern coast tourist trap... ,.. tourist...no no no, that's solid granite and marble, no goddamn way Mr. whatever his name built something like that here. Without me knowing, anyway. I've surfed long enough to have heard of something like this by now. Mayans? Natives? Freemasons? The Illuminati?

"Wha...what is that? What the hell is that?!" I said, as we drove past the odd structure.

"What? What?" said Yvon, looking around in confusion. Seemed no one had really noticed, too busy doing their own things. Talking in their cliques, looking at their phones they smuggled in. The only person to notice anything was the teacher, who leaned in, seeming more concerned with my harsh tone and use of the word hell.

"Watch your language young man!" she said, ugh, never liked er. Hell ain't a swear word, ya old coot. "What is it?" she asked, mildly interested in whatever I had seen. "What did you see?" Yvon asked, seemed he was interested as well. May as well enlighten them to my sighting.

"Overthere..look, look, look, there's a giant granite statue over there, eastern looking. What the heck is it doing here?" Yvon and the teacher looked behind. The statue was mostly obscured by this point, but both Yvon and the Teacher caught a glimpse at it. Yvon seemed interested, letting out a small "Huh..." as the teacher rapidly lost interest in the subject. "Probably some tourist thing, one of those big plaster statues, anyway, class, we are about to arrive, please, ready your backpacks and..."

Yeah, suuuuuure we are, lady you just found the road again. Your sense of direction is truly unparalleled.

"Huh, weird." Yvon stated, he was mildly interested, or at least that's what it seemed. Hard to tell with him. "Wonder what the deal is with that?"

I replied honestly. "I don't know...It didn't look plaster to me, I swear that looked like a legit rock statue, carved into the mountain, hindu or buddist or something..." Yvon looked at me with an odd look on his face. "Really? Huh...wonder whats up with that?" Yvons interest faded, and he went back to what he was doing. I decided to follow.

After all, why would a real east stone statue be carved into a mountain in some tourist town? Why couldn't it be fake? Why would it matter,even if it was real, so what?

Why did I care.

...

Why then, was I so nervous?

* * *

A few minutes later, we finally arrived at the ship museum. The teacher had gotten the bus to double back, she had turned right when she should have turned left.

We drove past a small carnival, an amusement park, located on a pier. Everyone seemed entranced by it. I had been looking at the remains of an old dockyard behind us, wondering. What happened to that dock yard? What tore it apart like that? The wood looks like it's only been there a few years... Everyone else was focused on the amusement park / carnival. "OO, OH, OOOH, CAN WE GO THERE!" They screamed and shouted. I plugged my ears to block out the noise.

"No, we are going to the local boat museum, you didn't sign a permission slip to go in that park, not to mention the cost. Do you WANT your parents to have to pay?" I didn't give a shit whatsoever. The fact that a carnival was on a pier was... very, very, intriguing to me. I had seen, no no, heard of the idea of amusement parks being on piers a couple times in the past, but I had never seen one in real life.

Hmm, the smell of corn dogs. I'd have one if I could, a wise man told me never to pass up on a corndog.

Well, maybe wise is the wrong word, but still.

Yeah I'm bored as heck, I need to get out of this bus. Ugh.

* * *

The ship museum was boring as fuck.

Sure, at first I found it mildly interesting, cool to see, old sail boats, scooners, steamboats, an ironclad from the civil war, etc. But it gets fricken old. So I did what I always did to entertain myself.

Turned to my thoughts, and my comrades.

"Ai Bayer!" I said, hoping to get his attention. Bayer turned around to face me, a smile entering his face. "Hey Gillllllbert!" he replied, as I thought of what to say...

"So, what do you think would happen if the Zimmerman telegram got-"

"Alright class, time to go to the next section!"

 _'Motherfu-'_

* * *

Life really sucks sometimes, doesn't it.

You spend 5 minutes coming up with an awesome great war idea, and the next thing you now, the teacher cuts it off, and you hate the world. God dammit.

But, without anyone to talk to, my mind began to wander, about greed and hungry. And how all the nations of the world, are getting ready for another war. No no no, focus stupid brain, what I actually was thinking of was,...that damn statue.

 **I just changed my mind for next chapters quote. Czar-ree.**

It...I, I was really uncomfortable with it. Maybe I'm just paranoid, scratch it, of course I am, but. It freaks me out, to have this weird thing here...and to have no bloody idea why it's here. I feel sort of like I just found a bunch of crop circles that are actually eyes of providence in a big pyramid all pointing me to Jimmy Hoffa's corpse buried on Oak island in a secret Freemason bunker made of Nazi gold.

OK, bad example, I just want to distract myself.

I. Am. Scared.

I admit it, maybe not truly scared, but, concerned.

Yes. Concerned, that is it.

I have nothing to worry about though...I'm sure it's nothing, I'll here a nice explanation about tourists form the locals, or maybe read about some witch burning Hindu cult from 400 years ago on .

Yeah. It will be fine. The sun is shining, and everything is fine.

Yeah.

* * *

We were just exiting the boat museum(i had gotten sick of listening to them rattle on about plywood and giftshops, I snuck off for a while to look at a confederate submarine they raised from the bay, thing of beauty and insanity indeed) when we were approached by a large white van.

This could not end well.

But instead of a peadophille (pedophille?) it was a politician. Huh, think I would have preferred the kiddy diddler.

Anyway, I could tell it was a politician based on the giant head on the top, spinning around shouting "MAY-YUR-DEW-EEE" over and over again, as if to brainwash the local populace into refusing to accept any other. Same mayor on the billboard, I presume.

He proceeded to go on a 10 minute long rant about how important tourists were, and I'm fairly certain he was being fed lines, based on the ear piece he kept touching, and the guy in the backseat of his van who seemed to be saying the same thing based on his lips. Yeah, definitely.

So, when he finished his speech, I saw my moment of chance. I took a deep breath, and said.

"I was wondering, what's the weird deal with that hexa-armed statue on the beach over yonder?" I said, barely hiding my anxiousness. I decided to use the term yonder, as it was a personal favourite of mine, and it was far away from both me and him, so saying 'there' would be incorrect, since he wasn't near it.

His face froze up, and he tightened his expression. His eyes darted quickly, then his face suddenly shifted into a calm, nonchalant expression, and he said, "What statue? Oh, oh that. Oh, that's just a inflatable stand, err, prop, used to attract the tourists, nothing more. Yes, eh, yes. Hahehe." My teacher seemed to fear embarressment, and seized the opening "Gilbert be quiet, You'll have to forgive us, some of our students are a bit noisy, please ignore them." ShadyMcCoverup(Or Mayor Dewey) seemed to like what she was saying, and doubled down very quickly. "Oh yes, the youth must always be inquisitive , the youth are our future, the youth are-"

Alright, shut it old man.

That was not a goddamn inflatable float, that was an honest to god rock statue. I'm not gonna buy this bullshit your selling.

...

I know what I saw. I know what I heard. I'm NOT wrong.

Maybe its something stupid or embarrassing or just controversial. Maybe it's more then that, I don't care.

What I do care about, is that this Dewey guy, is lying to me. He, for whatever reason, doesn't want us to know.

I will not stand for this.

And I'm gonna goddamn find the truth about this. I WILL. You will not suppress it. I WILL, find the truth.

And you can't stop me you goddamn dotard .

* * *

 **And another chapter down, another chapter down, another chapter bites the dust. Hey, gonna get you too, another chapter bites the dust, HEY!**

 **Yes, that is correct. Yet another chapter down. And I am now an official SU Fanficer, which should get the IRS off my back. HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHHEHE.**

 **o0o**

 **Ok, apparently me laughing with my machine gun laugh is legally considered discharging a weapon, who would a thunk, huh?**

 **Ok, anything else to say. No, okay, well, all I have to say is, first off, I have to ask,** 3-1-14 25-15-21 16-5-15-16-12-5 3-18-1-3-11 3-15-4-5-19 1-20 1-12-12? 10-5-5-26-21-19... ... - ... .. -. -.. . . -.. -.- - ..- ... - .-. .-. -.- . -..- -.-. ..- ... . ... ..-. - .-. -.-. - -.. . -.-. .-. .- -.-. -.- . .-. ... !

 **And second of all, remember, stay in milk, eat your drugs, and don't do school. Wait, I meant stay in drugs, eat your school, and don't do milk! WAIT, I MEANT -**

 **CONNECTION LOST. PLEASE STAND BY.**

 **/#F!KWhkwbAQ!aZ00dioiAYfTuAUSzA5w6Q**


	4. The Coverup

**Hey. You're probably wondering where the hell I've been. Well... I kinda lost motivation to write after I got some conflicting reviews early on, combined with a lack of enjoyment in writing at the time lead to me quitting for a while.**

 **That combined with me being essentially booted out of the Spongebob fandom after being there for 5 years, lead to me falling in with the Daria fandom.(actually around the time I wrote the 3rd chapter, hence the quote) BTW, The Daria fandom is insanely in depth, non-toxic, detailed, and well organized. Google "Daria Multiverse" If you don't believe me.**

 **I wrote a few things while there, some of the longer ones are on here(My best work is in script form, and can't be posted here. Also, none of the IC's are on here)**

 **I ended up making some similar mistakes while there, although I put the fun back in writing. Then I tried to come back, and rewrote the first chapter(which is the version currently out) but I ended up trying to please everyone and gave up again. I also just finished..well, not really rewriting, moreso cutting chapter 2 and 3, so reread those two.  
**

 **Anyway, thanks to some good advice from friends new and old , and some thinking, I eventually realized I wanted to write for myself, and have fun doing it, and in general not worry about trying to be perfect. So basically, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love to Write.**

 **I considered making a Total Drama fic, or going back to the Daria fandom, But I decided to return here. You guys have been waiting. LET'S GET THIS STARTED, EH?**

* * *

 **Chapter 4: The Coverup**

* * *

 _"But the sun was shining, and everything seems fine. So count me in, I'll see you on the other side." -The Aquabats_

* * *

 ** _TICK. TOCK. TICK. TOCK._**

Gilbert walked into his room, the calming rhythm of the clock ticking every onwards. The ride home had been relatively uneventful. His mind had remained focused on the task of finding out what the deal was with the Mayors suspicious behavior and the odd statue. "Cartoons can wait, I got a mystery to solve." Turning on the computer, he began his search.

"Alright. Let's start with just, Beach City." Searching this, he found quite a few results. Beach City Tourism, , VOTE MAYOR DEWEY, Ocean Town memorial. Nothing really popped out, so after a moment of deliberation, he decided to simply go down the list.

The Beach City Tourism website was about as vanilla as a tourist website could be. An article on the boardwalk, littered with ads from local restaurants. Some guys carwash had It's own webpage, though it looked really low quality. "Your website certainly IS a wash!" Not a single picture of the statue. Hell, not even one that had the cliff in the picture. Curiouser and curiouser still.

"Of course, never can be simple, can it?" Gilbert said to himself, grumbling under his breath as he tried to find something useful. "Maybe this was just a waste of time. Heh, I'm just getting paranoid, aren't I? Like that time I tried to find that lost goldmine. Just looking too closely at the little things." Gilbert started exiting out the pages, then suddenly stopped. "Wait a minute..." getting an idea, he searched up "Google Maps" and typed Beach City into the bar. It popped up, a full satellite display of the city. "SUCCESS!" He shouted to no one in particular. Gilbert quickly scrolled over, expecting to see the cliff, statue, and hopefully, an article about it.

Instead...

"What the Fuck?"

The entire cliffside wasn't there. Just a large, rocky beach, and a small tag labeling it as unsafe. After blinking a few times, Gilbert squinted. Several areas were blurred over, and several obvious vertical lines along the supposed 'beach' showed culling. This wasn't the real map at all! This was a fake!

"Well...this just got interesting." Gilbert stated, with a touch of fear in his voice.

* * *

"Hello everyone, and welcome to this weeks entry of, KEEP, BEACH, CITY, WEIRD. I'm your host, Ronaldo, and this is my co-host and brother, Peedee."

Ronaldo had recently had a busy week. After his recent discovery of odd holes in the cliffside, he knew It was his time to shine. The Sneople had returned.

"Today, on KBCW, we shall discuss the recent sneople activity in Beach City." Peedee looked at Ronaldo with a mix of annoyance and disappointment. "Ronaldo,You're still on the sneople theory? Last week you said there was a shadow government."

Ronaldo practically bounced out of his chair, and quickly leaned in close to Peedee. "THAT'S JUST IT PEEDEE! The Shadow Government, IS THE SNEOPLE. They've obviously been running us for YEARS! How did we never notice?"

Peedee facepalmed. "Uh, isn't that basically that crackpot reptilian government theory except with snakes?"

"Oh please Peedee, thats just what they want us to think. We can't seem to find a single trace, a single footprint of this shadow government. And you know WHHHY?"

"They don't exist?" Peedee said, hoping that Ronaldo would drop it.

"NO, BECAUSE SNAKES DON'T HAVE FEET TO MAKE FOOTPRINTS! IT'S ALL PART OF THE GRAND SNERSON CONSPIRACY!" Ronaldo screamed as he danced around the room. "But you know what Snakes DO leave? HOLES! Thus, proving, that the holes in the cliffside are none other then sneople transit tunnels, being used to lay the wiretaps they spy on us with!" Peedee frowned harder. "I'm pretty sure legless lizards are a thing."

Ronaldo glanced back with smug in his eyes, "Psssh, that can't be right. Sounds fake to me. Anyway, TODAY ON KBCW, we have an interview with a child from Michigan, who has contacted me several dozen times, claiming his neighbor is an alien. Could this be connected to the snerson epicidemic? STAY TUNED!" Ronaldo shouted into the camera with glee.

"Ugh" Peedee sighed to himself, his hand on his head. Sometimes Ronaldo was hard to deal with.

* * *

With this revelation, Gilbert's entire focus had shifted, from simply finding out the nature of the statue to figuring out what the hell was being covered up.

 _Toxic Waste? Cults? Mine? Jeez this is turning into a full out conspiracy right before my eyes. Hmm, wonder how much I'd get if I sold this story to the news?  
_

Gilbert quickly dismissed the thought. Whatever was going on, the government was clearly hiding something. He HAD to find out.

"Why? What could be there that's so important to them...or so dangerous...hmm." With a thought in his mind, Gilbert pulled his computer over, and searched for "Beach City Conspiracy" The first result was a tumblr blog, by the name of "Keep Beach City Weird" and he appeared to be a local.

"Well now, let's see what we got here. Look out Uncle Sam, Gilbert's coming."

* * *

"Thank you for your time Dib." Ronaldo stated proudly as he shut off his Skype. "Well, It's clear the sneople conspiracy is nation...no...PLANET WIDE! But how can we stop them? Join me on the next KBSW video blog, next week!"

"Whew." Peedee wiped his brow, setting the camera down.

"Thanks Peedee, I needed a camera man to help me document the truth to the people of-"

 ** _YOU'VE GOT MAIL._**

The popup caught Ronaldos attention. Switching to his mailbox, a message marked "URGENT CONSPIRACY" appeared at the top of his inbox.

Opening it, the message read, _"Dear Ronaldo. I am a citizen of a nearby state. I cannot provide my name. I would like to interview you about your work. Do so with much haste. It is of great urgency."_

Ronaldo smiled. "Finally, the truth shall be revealed!"

* * *

 **Yeah, it will.**

 **Adding this bottom section in, because I ALMOST FORGOT TO ADD A CODE. How silly of me.**

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 **Dljw, tts Ugvvd Trsisd ls kpe ycjz mzsfvxxmmh frvdaa Z'bi rysi xjie. Vtztl bidvmaj cly kmtv tf bhug ugc bq DGRG. Vvdd jwmq cw GrtvhXzdw jwuwn, od Ffkrgjsex. Iedq gfwd bzrii. Vi mfz ise'w bvtiqjv si bq hyj nqguejaihs ggvg jcflqi Udrzi Mgzkozrugv**

 **And, a simple one for simple folk,** **L HK amqhav ukep xfh kkzcurkv mi hapkdvre fdw ps br aexf dru sd wlew**


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